Confidence and paranoia

Confidence and paranoia.
By Dimitri

“We are looking for a few outstanding individuals” but it’s not you that’s being looked for. Let’s be honest, how many individuals are truly “outstanding”? Not too many. We’re all pieces of trash when it comes down to it. Well.. not exactly trash but it stands to notice we’re practically invisible while standing in the crowd. Sure within our “sub-culture” there’s these few names and people who invoke some degree of infamy, but nothing too mind-blowing.

We’re just general people doing general jobs and living ordinary lives. (Even if we dress up all black and have frowned-upon memorabilia).

But why being so keen on the “outstanding individuals”-part? Well, we like to stand out and be looked upon as an extra-ordinary case. Frequently this translates into deviant behaviour or a vigorous attachment into studies or physical exercise. While the various outings and attempts to become that “outstanding individual” are cheered upon, it’s just running in a stand-still. There’s people who study hard to earn degrees, others who train like crazy and reach the body they yearned for (in order to become a model or such). But more often than not, it is in vain. The graduate with a Ph. D sees him/herself applying for a job at your nearest Mac Do, the sportsman sees himself earning a living as a paper-boy. In general, their hard work meant nothing despite having the required skill-set or assets.

What went wrong?

A lack of confidence and/or a lack of character. Maybe being over-confident to the point of being a total asshole. The inconvenient truth: this applies to all of you. At best there was a display of adherence to individuality. Not individuality itself. I saw Satanists getting into law-school and, despite their good-functioning brain, have been living on the edges of poverty. Strolling down to the nearest pub with free WiFi to stay in contact with (like-minded) others as they couldn’t afford to pay the bill. I’ve seen others living independently yet running into health-issues by miscalculated choices (unnecessary medical procedures) for a mere headache that could have been solved by a small adjustment of sitting time behind a computer-screen. Not to mention a further deterioration of health by the now obligated sedentary “rest” as ascribed by the doctors (stress-evasion).

I’ve seen vocal big-shots whose vision of Satan and its “-ism” being considered “real FUCKING deal” getting in a temper tantrum because of a light-hearted comment/joke. Not to mention the ever on-going butthurt because he/she didn’t get his/her way. The best part? They were just average persons in real life with a hardly memorable curriculum or hard-earned skill-set. The types of person where the first reaction is “oh, THAT guy” (with an undercurrent of admiration due to being caught up in the talk and not so much his/her actual walk).

In order to be outstanding you have to walk confidently. It’s like having a date with a handsome man/pretty women. Talk may get the panties soaking wet when done properly (even unconsciously), but to earn the reputation of a true gentleman who exactly knows what (s)he’s doing (both in terms of sexuality as being “established”) needs a whole lot more effort. Anyone can wear the suit and play the role. But it’s only acting, easily spotted by the various small “fuck-ups” as they temporarily fall out of character. True character is engrained deeply into the psyche, hence the “Satanists are born, not made”. And this is the fault many make (play-acting).

I’ve done several job-interviews (both as an applicant and as an employer). The most outrageous fact here is every time I applied for a job I was immediately hired on spot. Even if I didn’t match up to the experience demanded. Even worse , on one occasion I wasn’t even “dressed to impress” and turned up in my casual (heavy metal) clothing and was still accepted. I stood apart just by “being” my confident self. No one likes an ass-kisser nor does anyone like a self-absorbed person. As an employer I only hired the people who had the skill-set and who can own up. Come at me with a very detailed CV and a motivational letter with all the perceived “virtues” and “milestones” and you’re out (as it smells fishy and there’s the likelihood of it being mere talk or “incomplete truth”). Come at me as a desperate guy and be lucky my foot isn’t up your ass.

Confidence is a key-word here. To be an outstanding individual means owning up and (intelligently) doing what the hell you want to do. Don’t believe in mere philosophical talks. Deal in absolutes.